


the big bang theory jr.

by cryptidstxrs



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Gen, also they’re nonbinary, because i’m hilarious /hj, i made them up myself, it’s like tbbt but more funny, no one is an oc except river, so be nice and respectful please, theyre the characters kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29320746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryptidstxrs/pseuds/cryptidstxrs
Summary: 3:00am[comet]: RISE N SHINE ASSHOLESimagine ur fav tbbt characters (the main characters’ kids, obviously /j) but they’re all mentally unstable teens in a group chat . here you go.i’ve kind of based this off of what i’ve experienced in group chats but also my own humour so i’m sorry if no one else finds this funny
Relationships: not yet anyway? - Relationship, there are none





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> literally i’m so sorry if you see this. i have insane tbbt brainrot rn.

3:00am

[comet]: RISE N SHINE ASSHOLES

[michaisepic]: please help. she won’t let me go back to sleep 

[rivriv]: guys go to fucking sleep 

[comet]: no no this is a perfect time to be awake

[rivriv]: shut up /lh

[comet]: i’ll literally pour milk into your mouth dont test me

[rivriv]: you MONSTER

[michaisepic]: hey guys

[michaisepic] wheres leo

[comet]: bro his dad still has him on that sleep schedule leave him be

[rivriv]: but me and your brother have to be awake for this

[comet]: hey man, i respect sheldon 

[rivriv]: aND NOT US??

[michaisepic]: that is such a stupid question 

[comet]: he won a nobel 

[rivriv]: so did his wife

[comet]: i fucking love amy what do you mean

[rivriv]: girl we’re ur besties please

[michaisepic]: she’s my sister not my best friend jesus christ

[rivriv]: dad caught me awake :/// he isn’t mad but i really gotta go now i’ll talk to you guys in a bit

[rivriv]: and when leo is awake so he isn’t missing out HALLEY

[comet]: calm yourself 

[comet]: im sorry fr though, sleep well riv :)

[michaisepic]: gn riv!!! sweet dreams 

7:30am

[lonnard]: morning guys what the FUCK happened earlier

[rivriv]: halleys a bully like her mom lol

[rivriv]: anyway

[rivriv]: ask ur parents if you can come hang in our apartment ur literally across the hall 

[rivriv]: not rn tho a little later

[lonnard]: as if my parents would let me go now lol

[lonnard]: thanks for the invite though river! i’ll keep you updated 

[rivriv]: leo ur so NICE mwah /p 

[lonnard]: kisses u no homo 

[comet]: phones lowkey blowing up what are u guys up to

[comet]: HEY LEOOO u missed our shenanigans 

[michaisepic]: they weren’t shenanigans you are just a bitch 

[comet]: oh you know it baybey

[comet]: also shut up ur younger than me

[rivriv]: OH GUYS my nb flag is coming today i think 

[rivriv]: hal n micha if u wanna ask ur parents to come to our apartment we can like hang out n stuff?? and pls give me advice on where 2 put my flag 

[comet]: i’m a god of interior design count me in 

[rivriv]: also my dad is still calling me spawn does he not know the word child exists

[michaisepic]: isn’t he a theoretical physicist 

[rivriv]: YES help😭😭

[lonnard]: gna call u hofstader spawn now. what’s up hofstader spawn 

[rivriv]: LEONARD COOPER

[rivriv]: DO NOT STOOP TO HIS LEVEL

[lonnard]: watch me

[comet]: GUYS shut up /lh i’ll see you in a few hours

[rivriv]: OK BYE AHDJDK

12:10pm 

[lonnard]: river let me iiiiiinn please 

[rivriv]: SHIT LMAO hi dude

[lonnard]: r the others on their way?

[michaisepic]: yeah man

[michaisepic]: getting in the car rn

[rivriv]: poggers man we’ll see u in a bit 

7:00pm

[michaisepic]: hey guys

[michaisepic]: we had a pretty epic day ty guys 

[lonnard]: ofc! :)

[comet]: leo r u still with riv?

[lonnard]: o yea lol 

[michaisepic]: damn you’re lucky 

[michaisepic]: i wish we lived right next to you guys

[rivriv]: yeah but your house is HUGE i shouldn’t complain 

[comet]: ur right

[comet]: but our family is like loaded or some shit

[comet]: idk i think our mom makes a lot of money tho

[michaisepic]: wow halley

[michaisepic]: congrats on actually being invested in our parents’ lives

[comet]: ok but is ANYONE really interested in what their parents do

[lonnard]: yes

[rivriv]: yes

[michaisepic]: yes

[comet]: youre all nerds

[lonnard]: halley…..

[lonnard]: if im not wrong , youre basically in charge of this group

[rivriv]: only cuz shes the oldest

[comet]: and why arent you bullying leo hes a baby . little baby man

[lonnard]: hey :(

[rivriv]: well yeah and we bully him sorry leo but

[rivriv]: youre an old ass woman haha

[comet]: what: the fuck

[comet]: river youre gonna be the reason for my premature midlife crisis 

[rivriv]: damn shawty ok!!

[comet]: NSDFGK

[lonnard]: ok lets stop bullying halley cuz shes old now

[michaisepic]: dude theyre just gonna go back to bullying you

[lonnard]: its worth it tbh

[comet]: dude i cant even call you a simp ur just so nice

[lonnard]: thanks dude :)

[rivriv]: girlboss halley wolowitz x malewife leonard cooper 50k slowburn

[michaisepic]: why would you suggest something like this

[michaisepic]: (enemies to lovers)

[rivriv]: HEL

[lonnard]: je suis LITERALLY levitating 

[comet]: iM GOING TO KICK ALL OF YOU

[rivriv]: dude dont im literally pulling up wattpad rn

[lonnard]: THEY ARE

[lonnard]: i cant stop them now

[lonnard]: this is so fUIJKAHKODSJHFDJBGFL;KD

[rivriv]: leos choking like on the floor 

[rivriv]: he might be dead

[michaisepic]: tHIS IS YOUR FAULT

[lonnard]: HELP

[lonnard]: IM LEAVING BYE JKSJ

[rivriv]: he walked out the door, it closed, and i just heard a thump

[rivriv]: i think hes fine

[comet]: maybe if he stanned girlboss halley wolowitz x malewife leonard cooper 50k slowburn (enemies to lovers) this wouldnt have happened

[rivriv]: NO NO NO LISTEN

[rivriv]: the reason it’s enemies to lovers is because you’re the oldest and he’s the youngest

[comet]: PLEASE

[rivriv]: i heard like 

[rivriv]: idk there was a few more weird thumps and a slam i think he went back home

[michaisepic]: dude u killed leo 

[comet]: michael we’re friends with a murderer 

[rivriv]: sorry bestie

[comet]: ok im gonna fucign go its family time ok epic

[michaisepic]: poggers im gonna fuckin

[michaisepic]: i wanna play viddy game

[rivriv]: bye 💔 

10:00pm

[lonnard]: hey guys

[lonnard]: ty again for a cool day idk if i said already

[lonnard]: also im going to bed now

[comet]: GN BESTIE

[rivriv]: goodnight malewife

[michaisepic]: sigh

[michaisepic]: goodnight leo :)

[comet]: so now the baby’s asleep

[michaisepic]: do not finish that sentence

[rivriv]: hey there is no relationship going on here halley

[rivriv]: anyway

[rivriv]: why dont we turn on the… adult movies…….

[michaisepic]: what kind of fucking roleplay

[comet]: of course *turns on

[comet]: uh

[rivriv]: your mom lol

[michaisepic]: ABSOLUTELY NOT

[michaisepic]: alvin and the chipmunks

[rivriv]: neil

[michaisepic]: dont call me that

[rivriv]: youre a genius

[comet]: i hate those tiny singing bastards

[michaisepic]: youre a tiny singing bastard

[comet]: ok yeah i guess

[michaisepic]: yall im tired im heading out

[rivriv]: gn neil

[michaisepic]: sTOP IT

[comet]: sleep well neil

[michaisepic]: I AM IN THE SAME HOUSEHOLD AS YOU

[michaisepic]: I WILL UNLEASH MY AGGRESSION ON YOU

[comet]: ok

[comet]: you gotta catch me first tho

[michaisepic]: dad says no running at this time of the night

[comet]: exactly, goodnight!

[michaisepic]: you tiny bastard

[comet]: dude im not even small but whatever GOODNIGHT


	2. the second bit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this part took me a few days even if its just them messing around lol. writing this is kinda hard.
> 
> idk if im gonna go on from here but i also wanted more serious stuff to happen at some point to make it more interesting but i dunno?? i dont really have many ideas. if you do please lmk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is kind of all over the place cuz ive had stuff going on and such. but it also works so, hey ho!

11am

[comet]: you guys have been awkwardly quiet 

[comet]: anyway

[comet]: so my dad comes downstairs and me and micha are just hangin out, right, and he’s like ‘wanna play catch?’ i’ve never seen this man pick up a ball. so i tell him he can’t throw or catch a ball for shit and he goes ‘watch this’ and he throws it at a wall, prepares to catch it, and it hits him in the face

[comet]: mom comes rushing in like ‘oh god, what happened’ and he’s a little too embarrassed to explain. but basically he has a black eye now

[rivriv]: hold on i need to process this

[rivriv]: LMAO

[lonnard]: i am a firm believer that there’s only one braincell between everyone in the rostenkowski-wolowitz household and only bernadette uses it

[michaisepic]: and you’d be right

[comet]: hey i have like a quarter of that braincell 

[rivriv]: wrong

[rivriv]: halley you’re smart but like, no you’re not

[michaisepic]: i think what you’re looking for is ‘severe lack of common sense’ 

[rivriv]: oh yeah of course

[comet]: it’s a good thing i love you guys

[lonnard]: you do?

[lonnard]: /j 

[comet]: ok listen let’s be real here

[comet]: i might be a bit of an ass admittedly but i do love you guys

[rivriv]: omg halley <3

[lonnard]: that’s very sweet

[lonnard]: we love you too! 

[michaisepic]: y’all are being so wholesome

[comet]: yall 

[rivriv]: YALL

[rivriv]: howdy there leo 

[comet]: hOWDY PARDNER

[lonnard]: river says yall sometimes shut up

[lonnard]: yall ruined a WHOLESOME MOMENT GOD,

[rivriv]: ITS SO MUCH FUNNIER WHEN YOU SAY IT

[lonnard]: i GUESS

[rivriv]: i apologise for making fun of you

[rivriv]: but it’s funny so

[lonnard]: no no it’s ok! as long as it’s all in good fun i don’t mind

[comet]: yeah we jst meme u

[lonnard]: i quite like being group meme

[lonnard]: a wonderful title

[michaisepic]: lememe 

[michaisepic]: memeard 

[comet]: michael what are you doing

[michaisepic]: i thought it was pretty obvious 

[michaisepic]: lememeard

[lonnard]: help 

[michaisepic]: new nickname, congrats buddy

[lonnard]: i think leo is enough

[michaisepic]: not if i forget leo isn’t your full name

[rivriv]: i’m not gonna lie i try to pretend your full name actually

[lonnard]: yeah but that makes sense 

[lonnard]: what the heck is a memeard

[lonnard]: oh god i mean *fuck

[comet]: ,,heck? 

[lonnard]: i really thought we were gonna brush past that

[michaisepic]: god memeard. today is not your day.

[lonnard]: no shit

[rivriv]: i’m gonna

[rivriv]: CRY

[comet]: leo is a fine nickname i think that 

[comet]: uh

[comet]: well first of all my brother is stupid

[comet]: but also group meme is a title

[comet]: michael i don’t know what you’re doing or why you’re trying to nickname this but it’s pretty funny actually

[michaisepic]: thanks i think?

[comet]: don’t keep doing it though 

[comet]: i’m gonna make cookies i think

[comet]: for you guys

[comet]: but also if you come here like today you can decorate them

[rivriv]: wait i’m bad at decorating 

[rivriv]: i’ll just explain it to you 

[comet]: no weird nerd stuff your dad got you into bitch

[rivriv]: DAMN

[rivriv]: that weird nerd stuff is actually really cool if you gave it a chance you would sEE

[comet]: hmm

[comet]: ok nerd

[rivriv]: i don’t even think nerd is that bad of an insult 

[rivriv]: i don’t think it’s an insult at all actually

[comet]: sometimes i wonder how i ended up befriending you people

[rivriv]: leo is the only other nerd

[comet]: cuz me and michael were raised right duh /lh /j

[rivriv]: BUT Y

[rivriv]: ur dad is a nerd

[rivriv]: how does this make you feel

[comet]: betrayed

[lonnard]: PLEASE

[michaisepic]: halley doesnt want to tell you this but you guys are allowed to come for dinner if you want

[lonnard]: will king rajesh be there

[michaisepic]: uhh… maybe

[lonnard]: will he bring cinnamon 

[michaisepic]: we can ask him 

[comet]: if you think about it

[comet]: cinnamon is like his daughter 

[michaisepic]: that is LITERALLY common knowledge 

[michaisepic]: it’s a little weird but you know what. i support him. go rajesh

[comet]: whatever anyway

[comet]: are you guys coming or not

[rivriv]: one second

[lonnard]: yes pogchamps

[rivriv]: yah

[rivriv]: i gotta show u guys my mother mother shirt

[lonnard]: i hope this doesnt offend but you are quite the textbook enby

[rivriv]: if you listened to the cry forum you would understand

[lonnard]: oh i will though. tell me more

[rivriv]: it’s on the album the sticks

[rivriv]:just check it out man we’ll talk about it at the others’ place

[lonnard]: gotcha

[comet]: see u later shawties

5:00pm

[comet]: rajesh is here

[rivriv]: me n leo r on our way

[rivriv]: my dad is dropping us off 

[rivriv]: unfortunately 

[michaisepic]: why unfortunately,,.

[rivriv]: HE IS SO embarrassing please 

[michaisepic]: i think his dad jokes are funny

[comet]: only bc the only jokes you make are dad jokes anyway

[lonnard]: as he should 

[rivriv]: anyway we’re almost here assholes 

[michaisepic]: hi almost here assholes,

[comet]: NO

[michaisepic]: i’m michael 

[comet]: neil please 

[michaisepic]: ok listen i don’t mean to bring the mood down but there’s something so weird about not being called michael i dunno. so can we just

[michaisepic]: not

[comet]: but

[michaisepic]: i know ur my annoying big sister and that’s just how things are but no shut up DHWJSJAK

[rivriv]: LMAO

[rivriv]: ok i’ll keep that in mind tho

[michaisepic]: thanks river youre mega epic

[lonnard]: i think everyone here is mega epic!!

[lonnard]: also we’re like basically here

[comet]: COOL i’m gonna stand by the door like a weirdo so i can see you in

[comet]: like a good host

[michaisepic]: you’re not the host

[michaisepic]:i’m not the host

[michaisepic]: we all know who the hosts are step back bestie 

[comet]: ok ok HSDFJ i’m just gonna be nice then damn

[comet]: river i see you and your tiny father

[comet]: AND HI LEO 

[comet]: michael they r here lets fucking GOOOO

[michaisepic]: cool !

8:00pm

[lonnard]: tonight was major vibes man

[lonnard]: it was great. i seriously appreciate you guys :)

[comet]: leo sometimes i wonder whether you do this willingly or ur parents make you do it

[lonnard]: NON NONONO im being like 100% serious and honest! y’all are like my fav people!!

[rivriv]: LEO we literally love u so much

[lonnard]: i need 2 go though!!!! 

[rivriv]: go then!! go sleep or somethin man!!!!

[lonnard]: I AM !!! BYEEE ILY ALL!

[michaisepic]: guys stop im all soft

[michaisepic]: ily homies

[comet]: i love you my little minions

[rivriv]: why.

[comet]: ok im sorry AHA i love u guys mwah mwah

[rivriv]: ok lets all like…. exit out of the chat and call it a night rn

[michaisepic]: its only 8!!

[rivriv]: sleep is important bestie

[michaisepic]: ggGEHR alright

[comet]: YOURE NOT EVEN IN CHA

[comet]: i’ll see you all tomorrow :) we can go out somewhere

[rivriv]: sounds like a plan. see you :) <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love YOU guys <3
> 
> \- sal

**Author's Note:**

> i’m so tired what even is this
> 
> \- sal


End file.
